YOU NEVER SEE A HEARSE PULLING A U-HAUL

Charlie and I have spent the pass couple of weeks going through our "stuff". We sold the house within a month and now need to get on down the road so to speak.
As some of your know, we are moving toward being full-timers on the old RV circuit. Which is frightening and challenging in itself. Then comes the most difficult part of our journey so far. Getting rid of stuff, storing stuff, or trashing stuff.

So that brings me to the purpose of this blog. Many of you including myself have lived in basically the same house for a long period of time. This means you have more stuff than you can imagine. If you don't believe me, just go look into the back of the place where you store your baking or cooking utensils. See, I told you so. So listen, this is really important.

NOBODY wants your stuff. Stop telling yourself that the kids will want aunt so and so's crochet doily that you have been hauling around all these years. They don't want our stuff. As we have sifted through years of our stuff it is becoming painfully clear that 99% of it is useless junk. Perfect for a thrift store or the church closet for the needy. But not to hold onto.

I was fine until it came to my clothes. I stalled out, just stood there looking at my clothes but more importantly, my prize Tee Shirts!! The ones I have worn so many times, they cannot be washed again. They represent me in some weird way. How crazy is that. Well not too crazy if you put it in the context of our culture. We are told that stuff is what we need in life to be happy. Once again, if you don't believe me just turn on the TV to one of those info/buy places. Or perhaps a ball game with over 100 commercials in 3.5 hours. Look not at the product but the underlying message. Many of them are basically saying, if you want to be cool or hip, you need get off your ass and get over the computer and buy some more stuff. Forget going to the store, you can shop from the comfort of that spot on the couch that has a permanent contour of you when you get up to the computer. Don't get me started on food advertising.

That felt good. Now back to reality. I am coming to some realizations that I would like to pass on that I hope will help you when you start downsizing, or rightsizing as I like to call it. I guarantee you that at some point in that process you will come to at least two awakenings. One is that you have WAY too much stuff. Two is that you are very attached to it. When you start having to decide which box to put it in, I recommend breathing and telling yourself the truth. Which is "NOBODY WANTS THIS OLD STUFF.

I am very attached to the hand sewn blankets my granny quilted with her two sister while sitting in the living room watching the Reverend Billy Graham in black and white. I think I have about 15 of them in a box in the garage. I have not seen these relics in at least 20 years or more. But the minute that box comes open my heart strings get plucked thinking about how much I loved my granny. Then I can't imagine getting rid of any of these relics. So I gently fold them back up and put them back in the box. I am sure somebody will want these when I am gone. Trust me on this one, NOBODY WANTS YOUR GRANNY"S OLD QUILTS.  Oh sure, if I had the time I could sort them and give some to each of my children or grandkids. But most of our kids don't want more stuff. They have way too much stuff already. And they are not attached to the past like we are.

I can just hear some of you thinking, he better not give those blankets to the thrift store or God forbid, put them in the trash box.

After  selling a good bit of our stuff, making 13 trips to the thrift store, and 6 truck loads of books to the library which I am sure they sent directly to the incinerator, we are starting to get down to what really matters. Christmas ornaments!

It felt sacrilegious putting the baby Jesus in the black trash bag that was heading to the thrift store. I am not kidding about this. Just wait until you go through your religious artifacts in the storage closet. Even marking out "Christmas Stuff" on the plastic bins made me queazy. This just shows me how engrained all of this stuff is in my brain. It's like I have been hardwired to think all this religious stuff is SO important. It looks more like a pile ancient ruins laying there with lights, candles, angels, broken glass ornaments, etc. Can you imagine what they will say two hundred years from now when they start looking into all those hermetically sealed storage units around the country.

So it's time to start getting rid of your stuff before you have to or God forbid, your kids have to. That is about the worst thing you can do is die with a house full of your precious junk. Trust me, NOBODY WANTS YOUR STUFF.

So here is what I am learning:

1) NOBODY WANTS MY STUFF
2) My stuff is not very cool anymore
3) Most of my stuff has not been seen by anyone in over 20 years
4) It's really hard to get rid of stuff that I have decided is important to me
5) It is freeing when I let go of all that and say good buy to my stuff
6) I am starting to feel lighter ever day
7) We are doing my kids a favor by getting rid of our stuff
8) I wish I would have dematerialized many years ago

And here is what I recommend should you decide it's time. Believe me, it's way past time to declutter your life. First have your kids go through all your stuff to see if they want any of it. If so, have them remove it from your house. You are not their personal storage unit.

1) it gets easier every day - Keep an open box in the LR to put stuff into
2) the more I get rid of the more I want to get rid of
3) make four piles - give away, sell, keep, trash.
4) After you have your piles, go back through the sell and keep piles and get rid of 50% of each pile.
5) Now you are ready to start four new piles with what is left - Keep, sell, give away and trash
6) repeat steps 4 and 5.

Now you should be able to put your stuff in a 10x10 storage unit. If not, go back to steps 3 thru 6.
I am so sure that some of you are feeling terrible right now just thinking about it. It's not easy. Make it a game. Just realize how attached to stuff you are. Saying to yourself, there is no way I am going to go through this. This is crazy. What is crazy is that you falsely believe your stuff is of any value to anyone.

But the rewards are amazing. You will feel lighter, more free, relaxed, and awake. Now you will have the energy to do what you have been putting off. You have cash, space, and time. So get out there!

And for the record, none of my granny's quilts were harmed in this process. They will be safely tucked into that storage space.

Be well,

Capt Coy, Charlotte, and Jojo the pretty good dog

Dancing in the rain

Fresh Starts

It’s not often that one gets the opportunity to start fresh in life. Maybe I should rephrase that to say it’s not often that one TAKES the opportunity to shed the life that they have lived for x many years and takes a different road to see what lies around the next curve.

For some folks it might be economic suicide to just pull the plug and hit the road. For others it might be their salvation from the life they created that has gone from Dream to Nightmare. Nevertheless, if you do decide to follow your bliss and do what you want more than what you thank you have to do, it will not come without sacrifice at some level.

You will be leaving the security of the known, which is a misnomer. Life is no more secure than an investment was with Bernie Madoff. Security is a misnomer as well. Think about it. What in your life is really secure, meaning it will be there when all hell breaks loose in life. And you know sooner or later it will.

I think this faulty believing is the root of most anxiety in folks today. We want with all our hearts for this myth to be true. But it ain’t. It’s akin to believing in Santa or the Easter Bunny. I know you don’t want to hear this. Neither did I until I realized how ludacris it was to keep thinking this way. Not to mention the joy I now feel since I started embracing the reality of life rather than the plastic myth of what life “should be” over what it actually is.

Heck, I always thought/believed my first marriage would last forever, ‘til death do we part. I also thought that about my second marriage. But life has this way of throwing us curve balls that we did not anticipate in the beginning.

Things like addictions, diseases, lost love, affairs, more affairs, kids that didn’t act the way you thought they would, pestilence. I just added the last one for effect. I hope it worked.

I don’t give an owl’s hoot how much faith you have, or the meditation practice you have had for 22 years, or the lucky walrus tooth you keep in your pocket. Let me tell you something. Shit happens. Yes, that’s right, things occur ( if you’re Baptist), but mark my word, something will sooner or later rain on your parade.

The key is learning to dance in the rain. Find a new step by listening very closely to the new music of your life. Stop and sit down on a stump and cogitate what “is” in your life rather than stomping your feet and throwing a tantrum because life is not showing up the way you planned.

Here is the good part. All the stuff that has happened or is happening to you is OK. Even if you’re dying of cancer, it’s not something to fret about, rather it’s something to learn from. Either life is about collecting more stuff or it’s not. And believe me when I say it’s not. Life is about learning and growing everyday. Life is not about how long you live, it’s about how well you live.

This might sound odd to you but life really is about learning to accept everything just as it is: good, bad, wonderful or awful. Life really doesn’t care how you “feel” about what is occurring to you in time space history. Life is concerned about how you decide to embrace what “is”.

We all have at least two choices in every situation. We can either kick and scream and say it isn’t fair, or we can welcome everything no matter how terrible it is. Yes, welcome the love and the heartache. Yes, welcome the good and the bad with same vigor.

Is it easy? Hell no it ain’t easy. It may very well be the most challenging and difficult thing you have ever done. But that is what is great about life. Not to have all our ‘life shoes’ neatly stacked in alphabetical rows in the closet. But rather to learn to grab the shoes that fit the occasion from the proverbial closet of your mind. Find the right dancing shoes for music that is playing.

So …… get up and start dancing. Life will not wait for you to say “someday Isle” do something. Do it now while you can. As I always tell folks, “ the bus hits someone everyday, and tomorrow it could be you or me”. So c’mon out of the cocoon and live a little.

I hear the music starting ….

Thanks for following us in our lifescapades.

Peace

Captain, Charlotte and JoJo the pretty good dog

Underwater: a brave new world

It's not often you get to do something so totally unusual and interesting that it literally takes your breath away. Well we did just that last week when we were on the tiny island of Roatan, Honduras.

We were invited to join dear friends, Jordan and Rebecca to celebrate Jordan's 40th birthday. He and I became fast friends while running our respective charter businesses down in the US Virgin Islands from 2005-09. We supported and encouraged one another during some tough times. We spent time fixing, cussing, and cleaning our boats and hustling clients for our snorkeling tours.

Jordan and Rebecca both are accomplished divers and were planning on spending most of the week down island under water. We tagged along and planned on snorkeling and relaxing reading while they played under 80' of water.

That all changed when we started talking to their dive master, Ricardo. He encouraged us to take is Discover Scuba Diving class. This is an opportunity to get in "confined" water and learn the very basics of scuba diving. I was a little more than surprise when Charlotte said "let's do it".

I had learned to dive when living in the islands but had not dived in over 5 years. So I thought it would be fun to get reacquainted with it. What transpired over the next few days was amazing.

One of the things you need to know about Charlotte is that she does not like confined spaces, having her face covered with anything, or what she calls 'edges'. Any place you cannot see over a ledge to her is like staring at the scariest monster you can imagine. Diving just happens to involve the following activities: being in a somewhat confined space i.e. being underwater, covering face with a mask and regulator, and staring into an abyss over 2000' deep. Other than those things, Charlotte thought it was a great idea. ;-).

Our instructor was amazing in helping her face her fears and just do it anyway. He focussed on the beauty and awe of sailing underwater while breathing normally. She bought it!

After learning all we needed to keep us alive underwater, we headed out for our open water dive to get our certifications to become official divers. If we could finish the course and pass the exams, we could dive anywhere in the world. Wow!

Things started a bit rough when we stepped off the dive boat into the Caribbean Sea. Charlotte had passed the first couple of training tests with our instructor with flying colors. But this was the ocean and full of creatures that can eat you including great white sharks and eels and coral that can burn your skin instantly! No small task to overcome internal self talk telling you that you have lost your f-ing mind. But we did it.

She had trouble clearing her ears at first and had that look of sheer panic on her face. But Ricardo took her in his care and calmed her fear enough to dive into 20' of ocean water. When we reached the sandy bottom we both succeeded in passing the physical tasks we needed to start our "real dive".

Once we got the OK sign  and firm handshakes from Ricardo we swam off into our first diving adventure in the open sea. Believe me, this is WAY different than the confined water area that had a nice gazebo in the middle we could swim to whenever we wanted. Nothing separated us from 2000' feet of dark purple water that led to the abyss. But we both started relaxing and resumed "normal" breathing patterns as we began to explore a part of the world that we know less about than we do the surface of the moon. Amazing.

We swam around the corner of the reef and before us was a wonderland of beauty that is difficult to explain with mere words. It is exotic, intoxicating, frightening, and enlightening all at the same time. it's like being IN the aquarium looking out. We saw all sorts of amazing beautiful fish including Queen Angel fish that were at least 18" tall.

As we continued along the reef we gradually descended to fifty feet below the surface of the water. It was as if we were flying. The gentle current carried us along on a tour that was nothing short of incredible. We saw a Moray Eel that was at least 4 feet long just gliding along the bottom. It turned to look at Charlotte and she quickly put our dive master between her and the eel. It's rows of razor sharp showing as it "smiled" at her. Then we saw a very large Lion Fish with it's wings spread open as if to say "don't come any closer".

After 40 minutes that seemed like 5 we began our gradual ascent to reality. We stopped at 15' for our mandatory 3 minute stop to allow our bodies to adjust to life above the surface. When we surfaced Charlotte had the most incredible smile. She said "that was so cool, I'm hooked". So it looks like diving will become another activity we can share together.

When the boat returned to the dock we shared high fives with other divers that knew we were on our check out dive. They welcomed us with open arms into a fraternity of folks that called the underworld home.

Upon reflection it was one of the greatest days of my life. Watching the love of my life step into her fears and do it anyway filled my heart with such great joy. I have tears in my eyes as I type this blog three days later. She is by far the most courageous woman I have ever known. She inspires me to do more, be more, and love more. What more could a man ask for?

Thanks for sharing our journey!!!

Capt, Ms Charlotte, and Jojo the pretty good dog